are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
