College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
