Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize