Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
