I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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