I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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