This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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