I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
