I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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