so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
