in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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