I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
