Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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