??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
