you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
