shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
