Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
