The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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