better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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