I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
