ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
