Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
