My Higher Power is John Stamos
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
