Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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