Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
True strength comes from lack of pants
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
