At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
What a dumb baby whore.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
did i just pee glitter
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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