You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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