yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
