We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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