What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
