I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
