I want to make a zoo with you.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This is my gift to your gina
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
