I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He did a backflip because drugs
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
