I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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