I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
