She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
