Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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