My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Are we still banned from the library?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize