This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
