my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
