ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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