Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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