$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
