No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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