She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
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Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
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Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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