Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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