i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
