Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
