I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
