I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
