you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
