my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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