I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
