Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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