you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Your penis caused this!
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