I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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