the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
